woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
