omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
