Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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