I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
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Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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