I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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