He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
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i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"