saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.