shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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