you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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