Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
