You surviving the open bar?
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This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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