I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize