the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
