We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
