I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
