It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
