i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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