I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
