He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
