There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
