Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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