My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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