oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
