so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
