Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
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IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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