Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
