We're like a lot better than the average bears
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
