Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
