Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it's like iHOP with fire
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
