remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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