Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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