just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Porn is love you can see.
I could make wine with my vomit
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
