I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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