We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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