I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
