And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
