My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
