Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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