smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
