I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We left the knife in your bed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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