I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
