guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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