how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
