Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
