P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
