Do vagina's smell?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
