He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am naked and annoyed.
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