Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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