You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
