I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
