i may or may not be watching the land before time
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
