I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
