I feel like I'm in dance class right now
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
