I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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