How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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