I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
