after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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