Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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